THE BANGOR CHRONICLES: CHAPTER ONE

After a couple weeks embedded in the second biggest town in Maine, I have made some keen observations.

Bangor is the kind of town where:

.....all the half decent looking chicks are knocked up, and half the decent looking chicks are too.

.....EVERYBODY still smokes, but apparentely almost nobody showers.

.....every conversation on the bus is either about probation, child support payments, or a social security check.

.....people are small-town-nice, but still have a little bit of a New England chip on their shoulder.

.....you can still find a mailbox and a phone booth.

.....they don't have a rush hour.  It's more of a saunter hour.

.....welfare and disability are both considered viable career options.

.....everything is stuck 50 years ago.  Technology, social attitudes, vehicles, and (fortunately) prices.

.....there is still a video game arcade (look it up on Wikipedia if you've never heard of one) at the mall with a couple functioning pinball games.

.....a high school diploma still means something.

.....the most exciting thing that ever happened was when it burned down one hundred years ago.

.....you've never heard of it, but it pops up in songs all the time.  King of the Road, I've Been Everywhere to name a couple.

.....the most famous resident is the King of Horror (you can read more about Bangor in his books.  He calls it "Derry").