For the past few months, I've been studying for the Jeopardy! online test tonight. Along with some good old fashioned book learnin', I've also been using the internet to broaden my horizons. Here are ten things the interwebs have taught me:
1) 9/11 was a conspiracy by Ralph Nader and Michelle Obama to help fluxuate the gold market and make it easier for the Mayan aliens to land in 2012. I'm still doing a little fact checking on this one.
2) Playing at Chess.com, I've been learning the flags of the world by beating people from different countries. Interesting fact: Romania has the ugliest flag on the planet. It looks like something an E-tard would wear to a rave.
3) Porn is very popular.
4) After watching shows like Jersey Shore, Bad Girls Club, Tool Academy, and Millionaire Matchmaker online, I understand why the rest of the world hates America. Judging by these shows, it's hard to disagree.
5) Apparentely, a lot of people want to fuck their own life for some reason.
6) Playing poker online, I've started to learn time zones so that I can better calculate when to play against drunk people in different countries. There's nothing better than check-trapping a drunk Russian...
7) Really weird people go to Wal-mart.
8) Everybody on Twitter and Facebook thinks that they are celebrities, and that we want to hear every detail of their mundane and delusional existence. Not my friends of course...
9) This just in: The Onion is still the funniest fucking thing on the planet.
10) The English language has deteriorated to a series of consonants, grunts, numbers, and puncuation emoticons. Everything I read online looks like the name of a Prince song.
Wish me luck on my test!
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A: Fan-fucking-tastic.
ReplyDeleteQ: How will Greg do on the Jeopardy! online test?