Tuesday, November 1, 2011


The world population reached 7 billion people this Halloween weekend.  If that's not scary, I don't know what is.  I found out that the number of people on Earth has doubled since I was born.  Humans are the worst plague that God has ever sent down.  We make locusts look like child's play.  If this planet had a landlord, he would've called Orkin a long time ago.  Apparently all the wrong people are spawning too.  That's why my dad hated Mother Teresa.  Let me just pause for a minute to let that sink in.  Okay, here's why.  She advocated no birth control in areas that desperately needed it.  But that's a story for another post. 
I finally bought the Dragon voice recognition software that I've been thinking of getting for a couple years.  My weak typing skills will no longer hold me back, and this may mean a rebirth of this blog!  As a happy accident, it also turns out that the headphones and microphone that came with the Dragon software are better than my old headphones, so as I "write" this I'm listening to Pandora, and life is good.  Unfortunately, I look like Kathy, the Time-Life operator in those old ads, and my roommates probably think I'm losing my mind, talking to myself in my room.  I also sound like that old Molly Shannon skit on Saturday Night Live, yelling out punctuation.  Remember that character?  She was a grammar teacher who would say "Correct punctuation is important  EXCLAMATI ON  POINT  Without it COMMA we are like animals PERIOD"  I had to spell all that out.  Otherwise, the voice recognition software would just put in !  , and.  Ha ha ha ha (that's how it actually types out my laugh) 
As I was walking home last night, eager to try out my new toy, the goblins and ghouls and zombies and princesses were all out in force trick-or-treating.  My neighborhood, apparently, is a hotbed of Halloween activity, and the neighbor directly behind my house actually set up a fancy tent that stretched out from his porch.  It was called Fred's Garage, and drew quite a crowd.  Spooky sounds and music were emanating from it all night.  When I got home, I could still hear Fred's Garage through the trees behind my house.  He was playing The Devil Went Down to Georgia by the Charlie Daniels band, which I thought was pretty funny Halloween music.  I've always had a bone to pick with that song.  The devil clearly wins the showdown!  Everything about his solo is better than the human's.  Just another case of the devil getting a raw deal.  Maybe that's why I like Halloween so much, it's the one day where the devil gets his due. 
Well, that's it for now, but hopefully I'll be back soon with some more ramblings now that I'm not constrained by my suspect typography skills…

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