Wednesday, March 10, 2010


[My editor has approached me and said that THROWIN' ROCKS is trending down on message boards, whatever the hell that means. To reach a younger demographic (13-20 year olds are the new 18-25 year olds) we have enlisted my 15 year old niece Melissa, who agreed to write a guest column called WFMLUSBBIMAWHFDILOLZ (Writing For My Lame Uncle’s Stupid Blog But I Might As Well Have Fun Doing It LOLZ). Enjoy?]

By Melissa

O……M…….G, don’t you just loooove Ke$ha?!!?! Shez so awesome!! Im totally n2 Tik Tok. I listen to it like 500 timez a day. She iz sooo rad and unique and shez just like “I iz who I iz, so just deal!” And I think thatz so freakin’ awesome. Lotz of ppl don’t get her cuz shez just soooo real, I mean, shez just like whatev- deal with it! I luuuv how she just does her own thing and shez so free and likes to just party all the time.
First of all, her name iz sooo kick ass! It haz a dollar sign in it yall! A dollar sign! How cool iz that? Its like she haz bling right in her name yo, like right off the bat you know shez a baller! And she rights her own tats on her arm with a sharpie! I mean, I no lotz of ppl who right on thereselves, but her fake tats all have like a total meaning, and they all rep something important to her like money$ or BFFs or grain alcohol. She iz da bomb!
Lotz of ppl talk smack about Ke$ha cuz they say shez all slutty or whatever, but shez just bean who she iz! Shez like really deep and shit, cuz I herd an interview and she wuz just like “I never said I wuz like a roll model to nobody, Im just bean real, yo.” How rawkin iz that? Plus she rights her own lyrics and they r super fresh like “Don’t be a bitch and bore me with that chit chat, just turn around and sho me where your dicks at.” That iz sooo epic!
My older brother Chet iz just like “Ke$ha is a skank, why doesn’t she go drink another bottle of vodka and get in a fight and sleep with a homeless guy that durty hoar” and Im just like screw u weirdo, y dont u just go listen to another Radiohead song u freek. I don’t see them winning any teen choice awards so what up with that? They r so depressing anyway! I like ppl like Ke$ha who just like to hav a good time. Shez so happy and fun all the time! She proves that I dont need no stoopid skool to be rich and party and b famous! If that gay ass prinsipal Mr. Bleckstone (more like Mr. Blecch-dome cuz hez bald) sez 1 more werd 2 me Im gonna be like “Eat it!”
It makes me soooo mad when all them haters comment on u2b and are like Ke$ha iz so dum and why do ppl like her and take a bath and stuf like that. Get a life! She can do whatever she wants, shez just bean herownself. All u haters can go drink hatorade and I hope u choke on it u big meaneez! There all just jelous cuz they cant have the fame and selebrity that Ke$ha haz! Shez so talented and shez gonna have a long career and Im never gonna get sik of her! Im gonna buy every album of herz 4 ever, I promise!
In conclusion, I love Ke$ha, Im like her #1 fan and I will luv her soooo much always. Itz not like Im going 2 b sik of her next month and never want to here her ever again!!!!! Im gonna change my name to Meli$$a, and brush my teeth with a bttl of Jack and b famous! Leev Ke$ha alone, if u don’t like her music then dont listen, duh!! When I grow up I want to b just like her (except without the herpez).

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